Inner Light

Last night I went to Pilates in lieu of running in the cold. It was a small class of five women and there we were, far away from our regular schedule, at peace with our bodies and minds at 8pm. We smiled politely at one another between sets, no one knew the other, but were sharing this environment that nurtured a peace of mind and a healthy body. On the drive home I got to thinking about why I felt that what had just been experienced seemed so rare these days – a group of women sharing space together, genuinely positive towards themselves and one another. I then started thinking about all the Desperate Housewives shows I watch and the catfights that seem to drag on each season with every episode. 

What is it about these shows that capture my attention? When did it become the norm to see women against one another over men, appearance, money, status, heck anything! It gave me a lot to think about, including my role in being the change I want to see in my world. It may sound silly, but I think it’s important for me to stop watching these shows (even though I know the NYC ladies make their debut tomorrow night sans Bethenny), try really hard to think positive thoughts when I see a girl sizing me up, and resist the urge to compare the size of my thighs with the gal walking down the street. 

So when I see someone leave a negative comment on a blog, or make comparisons being made over who wore what the best, it makes me really sad (and mad) that women are devaluing one another instead of celebrating our uniqueness. There are loads of messages aimed our way that highlight conflict and comparison, pushing for us to be prettier, skinnier, happier, wealthier, more organized..the very best version of ourselves. It’s good for me to remember to be at peace within and see women as different versions of myself who face similar struggles and (hopefully) wish for the same level of understanding and acknowledgement.

                      j crew ruffle shell
                    j crew forever cardigan
               anthropologie pilcro cohort cords
                     j crew ballet flats

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18 thoughts on “Inner Light

  1. TOTALLY agree with this, Dea! My eyes are being opened more and more to how imperative it is for women to stick together. We have a difficult enough time in this society still haunted by patriarchy without turning against each other. Tearing fellow women down gives power to all the social norms that are already stacked against us. It makes me so sad how we can be our own worst enemies at times, whether that's making negative comments (either in thoughts or words) about others or ourselves. My biggest struggle is with the latter, but I'm proud of the changes I've made in how I talk about myself. I hope the future will only get better: for myself and for the other women in my life."Change the voices in your head; make them like you instead."

  2. I just got chills reading this, I do think our 'inner light' as you say is who we spiritually are (if you believe you are a spiritual being and I do.) I believe that human nature is to seek for what is good and filled with light, that being said I think we sometimes give too much way into allowing ourselves to not be as divine, beautiful, intelligent, and as amazing as we can by getting caught up in things that are not important. I always feel so bad when I read or receive a negative comment and think 'why would someone write that, what did it accomplish?' My mom used to always tell me "your light does not burn brighter by blowing someone else's out" I think that statement is so profound and true. Thank you for speaking up and saying something. I think we can all try a little harder to be a little bit better each day. I feel blessed to know you via the blogoshpere because of your innate goodness and light. You already are the type of person who is creating this change and showing by example how we should all be! You are beautiful and amazing!!! Lots of love!

  3. This post really hit home for me today Dea, because I got a really nasty comment on my blog. It came from a string of nasty threads on a fashion forum bashing my blog, my looks, etc. I am so sad and sickened by women like this who have to hate other women and tear one another down. I just don't get that. So thanks for this post – I really wish the hating amongst women could stop.

  4. You know what's funny about those women who feel the need to publicly make those negative comments? They're the shallow, superficial ones and probably less confident in themselves than the people they feel the need to bash. That confidence/comfort with oneself is something they don't have and therefore can't understand and probably also feel threatened by. It's the internet for cripes sake–there's all kinds of stuff on it! Why don't they go bash someone who's actually posting harmful things on the internet!

  5. Very well said, Dea! I think that is one of the reasons I enjoy pilates/yoga classes so much. There is always so much positive energy/acceptance/love flowing around. It feels good and we all need more of it. Great post!

  6. OMG thank you thank you thank you for this post. I couldn't have said it as well as you and honestly, it's what I've been thinking about for the last months since I've stopped writing a lot about fashion. I've noticed that since I've stopped doing OOTDs, I'm less concerned about what others think when I'm in my clothes. Rather, I'm focused on how I feel as an individual and how my husband views me…and that's as always…beautiful. I do not watch any of the housewives shows and I think we women have a lot to learn from men in terms of how they view one another. I still love fashion blogs and love reading other people and seeing others' OOTDs, I just noticed a change in myself is all. 🙂 Thanks for such a wonderful post.

  7. Great post Dea. I admit I get sucked into the trash tv shows you mentioned! Guilty! But you're so right. All it does is perpetuate the mean spirited "frenemy" mentality. In my personal life, I find myself being overly critical on myself. I approach others with positivity but have a hard time applying it it ME! it's a work in progress. I hate seeing people being mean to others. It just makes me wonder what is so lousy in their life that they project it on someone else. Sad!

  8. Hi Dea,Enjoyed your post! Altho I've been reading your post for awhile now, this is the first time Ive responded… Altho I almost posted , was it Valentines Day?, to tell you that your hubby is a hottie and you guys make a stunning couple….Anyways, LOL, I enjoyed your posts topic and think about this quite often.. First off, I sporadically watch all the Real Housewives… Yes, they are silly, superficial, mind numbing shows but I do get a giggle out of them… They make me really appreciate my group of " housewife friends"… Our lives may be similar w them in terms of comfort and activities BUT we are 180 degrees different in terms of morals, values and behavior… Seeing women behave like the women on TRH series makes me really value the type of women my friends are… My TV role models for friends ship is Sex and the City…. Take away the sex and fashion, these women, altho fictional, are soo loyal and supportive of each other ….. They are honest,supportive and loving towards each it her, always…. I don't think Carrie Bradshaw ever flipped a table or Samantha ever threw a drink in one of her besties faces…. These women better represent my friendships …. I watch TRH for entertainment and to appreciate what I have and SATC to recognize the loyalty, support and love women have w their close friends…And regarding negative nasty women, to them I must respond " it must SUCK to be YOU", LOL!Elizabeth/ saltypaws

  9. Dea, I thought this was so poignant and beautifully written. I couldn't agree more. I have never watched the real wives shows…no desire, at all. Unfortunately, there will ALWAYS be women ready and willing to tear other down because of their own "stuff"… (raised by critical parents, low self-esteem, anger issues, or in a mean girl clique, an unfortunate situation that sadly isn't limited to high school age.) But like Ghandi (and you and the other ladies) have said, if we decide to be the change we want to see, (by refusing to belittle, criticize, gossip about other women) then little by little it will. I'm especially sensitive to this in raising my daughters. It's constantly on my mind. Thank you for this post.

  10. YES! I am in total agreement with you, Dea!I know how my thoughts and words affect not only me but every person I come across life. I don't want to contribute to the negativity that gossip and harsh words breeds. I don't watch the TV shows or read the magazines that condone this type of thinking and behavior.I'm glad to be a part of the fashion/blogging community that uplifts and unites women! And I'm so glad your blog is one of them 🙂

  11. I really love you for this. I couldn't agree more. I don't understand why female friends stab each other in the back or abandon each other. Women should stick together. There is so much bad in the world that we need to rely on one another more.Leave it to Pilates to introduce you to the light, right?http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/Twitter: @GlamKitten88

  12. I'm chiming in with the others to say I agree that women need to stop tearing each other down – but I'd also say that it's not something that just women do – our society as a whole does it constantly. The desire to be better or right and the need to blame when things aren't better or right, despite our best efforts seem pervasive.

  13. Amen sista! I've said goodbye to female friends I've had for years because they were toxic and mean spirited. Now, that I'm in my 30s, I've realized that life really is too short and I want to be surrounded by people who support me (and all my quirks) wholeheartedly.I think that when you're happy with yourself and your life there isn't the time or thought of putting others down. Why? What would it accomplish?I keep busy by playing on a soccer team, Bollywood dancing, blogging, volunteering and spending time with my family & friends.Tearing others apart just doesn't make my list of priorities. So sad that the same can't be said of others.Well written lady. You're a solid peep. 🙂

  14. Hi Dea!I really agree with you on how a spiritual and physical exercise brings people together in very positive manner. I often feel so discouraged by all the negative or indifferent reactions from people and was so sad that I had became one of them. But I recently started pilates too and I love it not only it nurtures my body, but it fees my soul. My class is a little bigger than yours, but I have just the same relationship with people in my class. I feel so refreshed and recovered after every class! LOVE!Jin,

  15. Hi Dea! I really enjoyed reading this post and couldn't agree with you more. It's really awful how some women try to tear others down. I think as we get older we begin to see the bigger picture and stop focusing on the little things. At least that's what I've noticed in myself most recently. Anyways, I hope you enjoy your upcoming trip!

  16. Hi Dea! I really enjoyed reading this post and couldn't agree with you more. It's really awful how some women try to tear others down. I think as we get older we begin to see the bigger picture and stop focusing on the little things. At least that's what I've noticed in myself most recently. Anyways, I hope you enjoy your upcoming trip!

  17. I'm chiming in with the others to say I agree that women need to stop tearing each other down – but I'd also say that it's not something that just women do – our society as a whole does it constantly. The desire to be better or right and the need to blame when things aren't better or right, despite our best efforts seem pervasive.

  18. Hi Dea,Enjoyed your post! Altho I've been reading your post for awhile now, this is the first time Ive responded… Altho I almost posted , was it Valentines Day?, to tell you that your hubby is a hottie and you guys make a stunning couple….Anyways, LOL, I enjoyed your posts topic and think about this quite often.. First off, I sporadically watch all the Real Housewives… Yes, they are silly, superficial, mind numbing shows but I do get a giggle out of them… They make me really appreciate my group of " housewife friends"… Our lives may be similar w them in terms of comfort and activities BUT we are 180 degrees different in terms of morals, values and behavior… Seeing women behave like the women on TRH series makes me really value the type of women my friends are… My TV role models for friends ship is Sex and the City…. Take away the sex and fashion, these women, altho fictional, are soo loyal and supportive of each other ….. They are honest,supportive and loving towards each it her, always…. I don't think Carrie Bradshaw ever flipped a table or Samantha ever threw a drink in one of her besties faces…. These women better represent my friendships …. I watch TRH for entertainment and to appreciate what I have and SATC to recognize the loyalty, support and love women have w their close friends…And regarding negative nasty women, to them I must respond " it must SUCK to be YOU", LOL!Elizabeth/ saltypaws

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